I did bad yesterday with my diet.. Mom came over and was really down. She told me that I should just quit having faith. Her words affect me so much. She has been out of church for a long time and she has changed for the worst.
I am fighting hard to be strong, but her words just tear me up. I love her very much, but most days it is hard for me to be around her because of her negativity.
Then I overate all day.
Today I wasn't around her and did so much better.
I know what my triggers are, now, I have to learn how to deal with them. My oldest sister and I are going to start praying everyday together. I know that will help. I will not give up. And I will lose the weight I need to lose. I will keep having faith and I will forgive Mom because I love her. Please say a prayer for her.. She is overwhelmed and almost lost her faith. And Please say a prayer for me to know how to deal with her.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I am hoping and dreaming that I get to take a few trips this Summer.
I love this song and hope you get a chance to listen to it..
Elizabeth and I had to go do some errands today and we ate dinner out.
I did pretty good with my eating. I made a conscious decision to eat healthy. I had a chance to eat fried fatty foods, but choose grilled salmon with wild rice and broccoli instead.
Salmon is not my favorite food, but it was seasoned well and I squeezed a lot of lemon on it. And I love lemon. I need Vitamin D added in my diet and Salmon is full of Vitamin D.
I wrote a post earlier about how Mom makes me feel with her rude comments. She really is a good person but sometimes she doesn't conceive the depth of how her words wound me. That will be my problem writing this blog. I will have to careful not to be too revealing because I have a family member who finds my blogs and reads them and then tells Mom what I said. I struggle with that. It really makes me mad.
And some of John's sister's read my blogs and it makes me mad. I try not to let them get to me.
If I have sites with invited readers only, then I leave people out may read them, but don't leave comments. I really don't want to do that.
I wish it was easier. But I have to be true to myself. My feelings are my feelings and they are important. So I guess I do it my way. I will just be careful.
I hope everyone is doing good tonight. I have been crazy busy this week but this weekend I will have a few recipes to post.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
A horrible incident happened to me when I was 8 years old that changed me.
As a result of that incident, I began to eat. And, looking back now, I see that I used eating as a form of protection.
How many people have done that I wonder?
I am 43 years old. And I have dieted for most of my life.
I have went as long as 10 years staying on track and being thin, but that was a very long time ago. My goal now, is not so much to get thin, but to get healthy.
I have kept a diary for most of my life and I have looked back to see where I get off track. It is when I am stressed and overwhelmed. I comfort myself with food. I don't want to do that anymore.
I want to take control of my life. I want to eat to live, Not live to eat.
My self esteem has suffered over the years and I really want to feel good about myself. I would like to know if there are others out there who feel this way.
I will not withdraw inside myself anymore.
I am a strong, powerful woman. And I will keep telling myself that until I believe it.
For all of you who have battled your weight all of your life. Let's do this together. I need the company.
I am going to use this site for my journey. I will be posting about my progress, and healthy recipes. I will also add sites that are all about getting healthy. Please e-mail me with any questions or recipes you would like to share.
P.s Be encouraged
Today's song, Mustang Sally
1st video, pick a clip