John had this energy that was amazing. We loved dancing and we danced a lot the first few years we started dating. I remember him in Levis and a white dress shirt with the first 3 buttons undone.

I couldn't take my eyes off him. My eyes longed to see him. I have never felt that way about anybody. I felt shaky around him for years. And my heart still skipped a beat around him when I saw him.

I never wanted to love someone so completely because I knew if I did how much it would hurt if something happened.

But I am glad I loved him that much. I am glad I got to experience a love that made me crazy and mad and excited and all the emotions a person could possible feel.

This is a song we use to dance to. I loved it..

Today I have missed him so much. I haven't been able to quit thinking about him.

I have been thinking about taking a small trip before my surgery..I have to decide where to. Even if I go to the city and stay the night with some friends would be wonderful. It would be good medicine to be able to get out of here.

I watched Grey's Anatomy tonight, my favorite show..
And I so relate to Izzy. How she is not able to get over Denny. But I don't see John.

I thought about how many similarities we had. How we loved the same things. A love like that does not come around twice in a lifetime. No matter how messed up he was at times I loved him and he loved me.

He believed in marriage until death do you part. But even after death it is hard for me to let him go..

I was thinking today, "He knew me better than anyone has ever known me."

I want to thank you all for hanging in with me..

I know tomorrow I am going to get some work done.

tonight's song, And We Danced by the Hooters

1st video, 2nd clip