I went through John's dresser tonight for the first time since he broke his neck. It has been 14 months that he was here. 14 months that he has been in our home. That hardly seems possible to me.
I found a stack of love letters that I had wrote to him over the years in his second dresser drawer. I cried as I read each one. I miss him so much.
I felt so touched that he had kept the letters and cards I had given him over the years. I loved him so much. There were so many things we had wanted to do over the years that we never got to do. Sometimes I feel ripped off. But I am happy that I got the time I had with him. I cherish every kiss, every cares, every single moment I spent with him.
He worked for us, took care of me and our kids. In my notes I always expressed gratefulness to him for his love and for taking care of us. I am so glad I did that. This time of year is so hard to me.
I am sorry I haven't visited much over the last month. It seems like I am still broken but I am trying to get mended.
xoxo Nita
6 comments:
Our stories continue to be the same. Cherish those letters and what they represent, as I know you will. XOXOXO
you know after my little brother was killed by a double shot gun when he was 12, my real dad, and my step mother left his room just as he left it that day he was killed for along time, dirty socks still on the floor, bed unmade, even a towel, and when I walked in his room I felt so connected when I layed on his bed a cried, I could smell that little boy smell that use to stink to me, but then at that moment smelt so good, its ok, it probley feels like connection to your John uh? we all would do the same thing. I love you and I'm sorry your having it hard right now, it's comforting to go back into to time, nothing wrong with that.
HUG, HUG, SMOOCH, SMOOCH
Annette
Hang in the Nita. It's all part of the process. It takes time to heal. That you keep John so wonderfully alive through your memories is a tribute to your love. Remember, that will always be there, even as time moves on.
(((((((((HUG))))))))))
Thanks for the little prayer for our trip sweetie! We made it! Night sugar!hughugs
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. ~From a headstone in Ireland
Thinking of you, Clydene
Thinking of you, my friend!
Amy
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